Waste Management
I have been giving alot of thought lately to the idea of time. Namely, how much of it I appear to waste being unhappy or doing something that does not lift my spirit. The first thing that strikes me is the understanding that I am never really wasting time no matter what is happening, or what it feels like. OK, I know it seems odd to say that I'm considering how much time I waste doing certain things and feeling a certain way, and yet in the same breath acknowledging that I can never really be wasting time.
Is this a legitimate question, or simply another waste of time?
Here is what I seem to know regarding "time" in my life. I have concluded that I am never really wasting time. If I feel bored, restless, or totally stagnant, it is not a waste of time because those feelings eventually contribute to something else. Whether they turn into change or just more of the same, any feeling in any moment is truly never a waste. Besides, sometimes the real answer is simply that I am supposed to just sit with whatever feeling I am experiencing, until I decide that it needs to change. All of this is necessary for me to clearly acknowledge that I am the one creating my life.
My ego always wants me to believe I should be doing so much more than what I am at any given second of any day. That's it's job, after all--to never be happy with what IS. I can recall years ago, when I first began to question what my "real purpose" was. I would look at whatever mundane job I held at the time and just scream inside. There was NO way that my purpose in life included this job, I would tell myself. But what did it include? Without actually saying it, I think I was waiting for the Purpose UFO to drop out of the sky, land on my balcony, and endow me with this grandiose "purpose" of mine. Perhaps it would be in the form of a wonderful, shiny silk robe that would be placed over my shoulders by the Purpose Aliens to provide me with all the answers of the Universe. Or maybe my purpose would come in the form of a beautiful golden baton that I could just take with me and wave at everyone to make everything right in this world. Once something huge like this happened, I would be living my true purpose on earth. Unending happiness would be mine. Case closed.
One way or another, I just knew inside that I should be doing more than what I was. Until that UFO landed, I just had to meander my way through mediocrity. That all felt so real to me at the time. It saddened me more than anything, to think that this purpose was so far off. But I chased it for many years. Thank you, ego. Looking back, I see I was actually in a state of paralysis. Totally stuck. But what choice did I have? This higher purpose was clearly something I just had to wait for. Such hopes I placed on this revelation to be made! It was something so much bigger than me, so beyond my control.
No wonder I never found it.
Over the years, I have settled into believing that my purpose is pretty simple. Actually, it is shockingly easy. Here is what it looks like now: I am always living on purpose. No matter what I am doing, no matter what I am saying, I am fulfilling my purpose on this earth just by continuing on this journey. Whew. That sure takes the pressure off. And it is not a cop-out. The truth is, I can never do anything in my life that I am not ready for. Everything always happens at the perfect time, i.e., only when I am truly ready. And in this way, life is always unfolding naturally. How could it be any different? All of it is perfect, including the imperfections. All perfectly paced according to my willingness.
Which leads me back once again to the thought of wasting time. Last summer I ended up quitting a job I held for about five months, bussing tables at a restaurant. I never really seemed to enjoy it. In fact, many times I actually left there sickened by how much I despised it. Finally one evening, I went in as a customer to have dinner with a friend, and saw things more clearly than ever before. I observed the entire operation through brand new eyes. Most importantly, I saw how out of place I seemed to be there. I felt so lousy just being inside those walls! In that moment, I declared to my dinner companion that I would never, ever work another shift at that restaurant again. EVER. And I felt it to my core. I told her that I would not waste another minute working there when I knew that it brought me nothing but misery. Forget the extra cash that I thought I needed. I was done.
The very next day, at what was to be the start of my next shift, I showed up and told the chef I was finished. I heard the words, "I can't work here another minute" roll right off my tongue and hang there in the air. I breathed a sigh of relief, smiled and walked out. Naturally, my financial situation was just fine after that, even with only one job. And new opportunities started presenting themselves right away. As soon as I divorced myself from this unhappy work situation, space was created for something new to come along. Once I made the decision not to spend another minute doing something that did not serve me, change was iminent.
So what about the rest of my life, outside of work? Of course I spend some time feeling unhappy. We all do. The real issue at hand is...WHY? Why on earth do I waste another second being unhappy, or even in a bad mood, when time is really of the essence here? Everyone at some point or another has uttered the phrase, "Life is too short." YES, indeed. It really is. Life is too short to waste time being miserable. We all feel it. We know it, or at least we say we do. And yet, what do we do about it?
I can recall along about the same time I started to wonder what my purpose was, that I began to see in full vision the absurd importance I was giving every day to absolutely nothing. This new discovery had surfaced as more of a feeling inside that nothing really mattered. Made perfect sense to me. I was not depressed or anxious about any of it. In fact, when I would ponder how nothing really mattered, I would always feel so expanded and joyful. There just had to be some element of truth to it.
One day I told my dear friend Linda of my musings on this subject. She was terminally ill with cancer at the time, and our conversations were always on this level. I trusted her to hear me out. I relished her insight and honesty. So I explained it to her, that I was beginning to see what a cosmic joke this whole life really was. She concurred. But she added something very important that has stuck with me ever since.
Nothing matters, and yet everything matters, she said to me. Ah. Thank you, Linda.
If I strive to understand this, how can anything ever be wasted?
No silk robe or golden baton is needed. I just need to keep going. I am walking my own path, with purpose.
.
Is this a legitimate question, or simply another waste of time?
Here is what I seem to know regarding "time" in my life. I have concluded that I am never really wasting time. If I feel bored, restless, or totally stagnant, it is not a waste of time because those feelings eventually contribute to something else. Whether they turn into change or just more of the same, any feeling in any moment is truly never a waste. Besides, sometimes the real answer is simply that I am supposed to just sit with whatever feeling I am experiencing, until I decide that it needs to change. All of this is necessary for me to clearly acknowledge that I am the one creating my life.
My ego always wants me to believe I should be doing so much more than what I am at any given second of any day. That's it's job, after all--to never be happy with what IS. I can recall years ago, when I first began to question what my "real purpose" was. I would look at whatever mundane job I held at the time and just scream inside. There was NO way that my purpose in life included this job, I would tell myself. But what did it include? Without actually saying it, I think I was waiting for the Purpose UFO to drop out of the sky, land on my balcony, and endow me with this grandiose "purpose" of mine. Perhaps it would be in the form of a wonderful, shiny silk robe that would be placed over my shoulders by the Purpose Aliens to provide me with all the answers of the Universe. Or maybe my purpose would come in the form of a beautiful golden baton that I could just take with me and wave at everyone to make everything right in this world. Once something huge like this happened, I would be living my true purpose on earth. Unending happiness would be mine. Case closed.
One way or another, I just knew inside that I should be doing more than what I was. Until that UFO landed, I just had to meander my way through mediocrity. That all felt so real to me at the time. It saddened me more than anything, to think that this purpose was so far off. But I chased it for many years. Thank you, ego. Looking back, I see I was actually in a state of paralysis. Totally stuck. But what choice did I have? This higher purpose was clearly something I just had to wait for. Such hopes I placed on this revelation to be made! It was something so much bigger than me, so beyond my control.
No wonder I never found it.
Over the years, I have settled into believing that my purpose is pretty simple. Actually, it is shockingly easy. Here is what it looks like now: I am always living on purpose. No matter what I am doing, no matter what I am saying, I am fulfilling my purpose on this earth just by continuing on this journey. Whew. That sure takes the pressure off. And it is not a cop-out. The truth is, I can never do anything in my life that I am not ready for. Everything always happens at the perfect time, i.e., only when I am truly ready. And in this way, life is always unfolding naturally. How could it be any different? All of it is perfect, including the imperfections. All perfectly paced according to my willingness.
Which leads me back once again to the thought of wasting time. Last summer I ended up quitting a job I held for about five months, bussing tables at a restaurant. I never really seemed to enjoy it. In fact, many times I actually left there sickened by how much I despised it. Finally one evening, I went in as a customer to have dinner with a friend, and saw things more clearly than ever before. I observed the entire operation through brand new eyes. Most importantly, I saw how out of place I seemed to be there. I felt so lousy just being inside those walls! In that moment, I declared to my dinner companion that I would never, ever work another shift at that restaurant again. EVER. And I felt it to my core. I told her that I would not waste another minute working there when I knew that it brought me nothing but misery. Forget the extra cash that I thought I needed. I was done.
The very next day, at what was to be the start of my next shift, I showed up and told the chef I was finished. I heard the words, "I can't work here another minute" roll right off my tongue and hang there in the air. I breathed a sigh of relief, smiled and walked out. Naturally, my financial situation was just fine after that, even with only one job. And new opportunities started presenting themselves right away. As soon as I divorced myself from this unhappy work situation, space was created for something new to come along. Once I made the decision not to spend another minute doing something that did not serve me, change was iminent.
So what about the rest of my life, outside of work? Of course I spend some time feeling unhappy. We all do. The real issue at hand is...WHY? Why on earth do I waste another second being unhappy, or even in a bad mood, when time is really of the essence here? Everyone at some point or another has uttered the phrase, "Life is too short." YES, indeed. It really is. Life is too short to waste time being miserable. We all feel it. We know it, or at least we say we do. And yet, what do we do about it?
I can recall along about the same time I started to wonder what my purpose was, that I began to see in full vision the absurd importance I was giving every day to absolutely nothing. This new discovery had surfaced as more of a feeling inside that nothing really mattered. Made perfect sense to me. I was not depressed or anxious about any of it. In fact, when I would ponder how nothing really mattered, I would always feel so expanded and joyful. There just had to be some element of truth to it.
One day I told my dear friend Linda of my musings on this subject. She was terminally ill with cancer at the time, and our conversations were always on this level. I trusted her to hear me out. I relished her insight and honesty. So I explained it to her, that I was beginning to see what a cosmic joke this whole life really was. She concurred. But she added something very important that has stuck with me ever since.
Nothing matters, and yet everything matters, she said to me. Ah. Thank you, Linda.
If I strive to understand this, how can anything ever be wasted?
No silk robe or golden baton is needed. I just need to keep going. I am walking my own path, with purpose.
.
Comments
Time is of the essence in the journey of life.....
Life is one enormous Moment all packed into one's path of learning.
Nothing really is truly wasted.
It just feels that way when the light bulb goes off.
After a while, when reflecting on the 'time' spent on things/people that don't serve us, ultimately it feels like a moment has passed.
Because that is all it was.... a moment!