Resistance Is Futile
Today at work, I had an interesting wake-up call of sorts. A temporary new manager arrived, the first change in leadership since I arrived at this particular store 2 1/2 years ago. I met her the other day, and that helped assuage my fears. She seemed sweet and eager to step into her new role for the next four months. Good enough. But this morning, as I headed to work, my mind began to race. What was 'new boss' going to say to me? Would she start pointing out all the areas where I have not been following standards? Would the chemistry at the store be altered? And most importantly....drum roll please....why did my old boss who I loved so much have to leave anyway?
Ah, change. It's always good. Right?
As soon as I stepped onto the floor at work today, I had a discussion with new boss. My fears that she would be watching me in a way that I was not accustomed to became reality within the first few minutes. She mentioned that she was very interested in following all of the standards that I knew inside I did not follow to a "T". Oh-oh. I knew she was going to attack me! Whatever. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, anyway. I've been doing this job for so many years...heck, I used to do her job, for crying out loud. What does she know? I was mentally spinning out.
The morning went on. I subconsciously waited to pounce on any error she might make. Anything to prove that I was right, that this change in leadership was never going to make me happy. Naturally, there were many opportunities. I was seeing exactly what I wanted to see. Of course, I was dooming her to fail. I tried to stay focused on delivering the same customer service that I always do, but it was really hard since I had so much other stuff to watch. Such as, you know, what was she going to do next? I felt miserable, and it was plainly obvious to everyone.
New boss and I had a few brief exchanges during the morning, and I began to notice that I was not making eye contact during any of them. Who the heck was I turning into? My other coworkers expressed how much they missed our old boss, and how odd it was to be working without her. I echoed that sentiment. I gave us all a break. I mean, it was only the first day, and we were all really nervous about the change that had just taken pl......(insert screeching record sound).
Wait a minute. Hold the phone.
Maybe new boss was nervous too.
Maybe I was projecting my fears onto her.
Maybe I felt so out of sorts because I was not accepting change.
Maybe I needed to be myself, and just let her be herself.
Maybe I needed to see things differently.
Damn it. Time to surrender.
By the end of the day, I saw my own behaviors very clearly. I was resisting change. I was not walking into today with an open mind. I was shut down, passing judgement, and refusing to learn. I was not being the Paul that I know I can be. And worst of all, I was making myself miserable and uncomfortable in the process. I had once been in her exact position, as a new manager on my first day. All I wished for back then was that the crew would keep an open mind about me. Thankfully, they did. I can only imagine how new boss must have felt today. My initial positive feelings about her were completely overwhelmed by my fears and resistance. I had created a monster that did not even exist.
Oh, Paul. Like the song says, it was just my imagination, running away with me.
And so, it's time to regroup. Time to drop the expectations, walk through my fears, and be honest with myself. Change has already happened. Accept it. If I don't get it right tomorrow, well, I can always try again. That is the beauty of life. We all have unlimited chances to get it right. We just need to see, and feel, those times when we don't.
Ah, change. It's always good. Right?
As soon as I stepped onto the floor at work today, I had a discussion with new boss. My fears that she would be watching me in a way that I was not accustomed to became reality within the first few minutes. She mentioned that she was very interested in following all of the standards that I knew inside I did not follow to a "T". Oh-oh. I knew she was going to attack me! Whatever. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, anyway. I've been doing this job for so many years...heck, I used to do her job, for crying out loud. What does she know? I was mentally spinning out.
The morning went on. I subconsciously waited to pounce on any error she might make. Anything to prove that I was right, that this change in leadership was never going to make me happy. Naturally, there were many opportunities. I was seeing exactly what I wanted to see. Of course, I was dooming her to fail. I tried to stay focused on delivering the same customer service that I always do, but it was really hard since I had so much other stuff to watch. Such as, you know, what was she going to do next? I felt miserable, and it was plainly obvious to everyone.
New boss and I had a few brief exchanges during the morning, and I began to notice that I was not making eye contact during any of them. Who the heck was I turning into? My other coworkers expressed how much they missed our old boss, and how odd it was to be working without her. I echoed that sentiment. I gave us all a break. I mean, it was only the first day, and we were all really nervous about the change that had just taken pl......(insert screeching record sound).
Wait a minute. Hold the phone.
Maybe new boss was nervous too.
Damn it. Time to surrender.
By the end of the day, I saw my own behaviors very clearly. I was resisting change. I was not walking into today with an open mind. I was shut down, passing judgement, and refusing to learn. I was not being the Paul that I know I can be. And worst of all, I was making myself miserable and uncomfortable in the process. I had once been in her exact position, as a new manager on my first day. All I wished for back then was that the crew would keep an open mind about me. Thankfully, they did. I can only imagine how new boss must have felt today. My initial positive feelings about her were completely overwhelmed by my fears and resistance. I had created a monster that did not even exist.
Oh, Paul. Like the song says, it was just my imagination, running away with me.
And so, it's time to regroup. Time to drop the expectations, walk through my fears, and be honest with myself. Change has already happened. Accept it. If I don't get it right tomorrow, well, I can always try again. That is the beauty of life. We all have unlimited chances to get it right. We just need to see, and feel, those times when we don't.
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