Last-Day Diaries
May 18, 2012. It's here. My last day at Starbucks. Drumroll, please.
2am: Woke up for the tenth time in three hours. Having a hard time sleeping. Did Santa come? Did he get my list? Wait. It's not Christmas. And I didn't make a list. No. It's my last day of work. That's all. Nine years. No real plans for the future. Excited. Nervous. Breathing very shallow. Adrenaline pumping, even though it's the middle of the night. Oh boy.
3:20am: Alarm sounds. Try to sit in meditation, and succeed for all of 30 seconds. During those 30 seconds, I breathe. Feels good. Breathing is good. Must remember to do this today.
3:45am: Bike to work for the last time. It's so damn early. How the @#! did I do this for so long? Who cares. It's almost over. Keep riding.
5:00am: Doors open. T-minus 7 hours and counting.
6:45-9:00am: The long line starts. Customers getting their Friday morning fix. I feel myself beaming. Holy crap am I excited. Line stretches out the door. It's loud. Busy as hell. I don't give a shit. It's my last day. Customers know this. Some hug me goodbye. Some give me leis. Some give me cards and gifts. How did this happen? A few months ago, this was a dream. Now it's reality. I'm smiling. Laughing. A customer goes off on me. I contemplate my response. It's my last day. I can tell her to fuck off if I want. But I don't. I take care of her issue, apologize, and send her happily on her way. I sing to myself: Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride. Nobody gonna slow me down. No way. Not today. Not now. I see the karmic circle of my life. Everything comes back eventually. Let her be. Good move, Paul.
10:00am: I have so many leis around my neck it is getting hard to move my head. I feel completely overwhelmed, and in the most beautiful way possible. I open some of the cards. One of them has $100 in it. This is the closest I come to tears all day. Wow. I quit my job to go backpacking and people are giving me money. No further evidence needed. People rock. And so does this decision.
11:08am: Clock out for the last time. I gather my coworkers around the garbage can. In go my shoes, dilapitated and appropriately worn out. People clap. I smile and let out a whoop. It's over.
11:30am: Sit at lunch with my friend Renee. She advises me of something I have not yet fully acknowledged: I just quit my job. Yep. I did. I laugh, wholly at ease with this realization.
2:00pm: Arrive home and initiate a new ceremony with my friend Jill. Work clothes, all tattered and torn, get tossed into the garbage. Goodbye black shirts and khaki shorts. More laughter ensues.
4:00pm: Waiting at bus stop on the way to happy hour with Jill. We strike up a conversation with a local man. He hands over a bus transfer. One of us rides the bus for free. Another gift, in a day full of them. Status quo.
4:10pm: On the bus, I feel something. It's a release from the inside out. I describe it as my soul escaping, as if the lid has finally been pried off its soular container. Hi-fives for everyone. I look around. Strangers are smiling at me. Oh wait. That's because I am smiling at them. I forgot about that permagrin etched across my face. On days like this, such things are second nature.
4:43pm and beyond: Martini glasses clink. Toasting to freedom. Holy shit. I'm free. Friends arrive. Hugs abound. Love is present. So much love. People tell me I am glowing. They tell me how proud of me they are. I take stock of these souls gathered around me. Even in my increasingly drunken state, I see it all so clearly. I am loved. I am accepted. I have everything I need, even without a job. I am blessed beyond belief. Humbled. Overflowing with love and gratitude. No words left to describe it. I'm tipsy. OK, I'm a little drunk. Doesn't feel much different than the rest of my day, though. What a day it has been. Quite possibly top-5 of all time.
Why such a high ranking? The Universe has my back, that's why. I am completely supported. I know it today. It's a fact. And days like this don't happen every day. But they can. I am sure they can. Today is proof. Endings and beginnings are truly one in the same. Both are a gift. It is my last day, yet it feels more like the first day of the rest of my life.
2am: Woke up for the tenth time in three hours. Having a hard time sleeping. Did Santa come? Did he get my list? Wait. It's not Christmas. And I didn't make a list. No. It's my last day of work. That's all. Nine years. No real plans for the future. Excited. Nervous. Breathing very shallow. Adrenaline pumping, even though it's the middle of the night. Oh boy.
3:20am: Alarm sounds. Try to sit in meditation, and succeed for all of 30 seconds. During those 30 seconds, I breathe. Feels good. Breathing is good. Must remember to do this today.
3:45am: Bike to work for the last time. It's so damn early. How the @#! did I do this for so long? Who cares. It's almost over. Keep riding.
5:00am: Doors open. T-minus 7 hours and counting.
6:45-9:00am: The long line starts. Customers getting their Friday morning fix. I feel myself beaming. Holy crap am I excited. Line stretches out the door. It's loud. Busy as hell. I don't give a shit. It's my last day. Customers know this. Some hug me goodbye. Some give me leis. Some give me cards and gifts. How did this happen? A few months ago, this was a dream. Now it's reality. I'm smiling. Laughing. A customer goes off on me. I contemplate my response. It's my last day. I can tell her to fuck off if I want. But I don't. I take care of her issue, apologize, and send her happily on her way. I sing to myself: Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride. Nobody gonna slow me down. No way. Not today. Not now. I see the karmic circle of my life. Everything comes back eventually. Let her be. Good move, Paul.
10:00am: I have so many leis around my neck it is getting hard to move my head. I feel completely overwhelmed, and in the most beautiful way possible. I open some of the cards. One of them has $100 in it. This is the closest I come to tears all day. Wow. I quit my job to go backpacking and people are giving me money. No further evidence needed. People rock. And so does this decision.
11:08am: Clock out for the last time. I gather my coworkers around the garbage can. In go my shoes, dilapitated and appropriately worn out. People clap. I smile and let out a whoop. It's over.
11:30am: Sit at lunch with my friend Renee. She advises me of something I have not yet fully acknowledged: I just quit my job. Yep. I did. I laugh, wholly at ease with this realization.
2:00pm: Arrive home and initiate a new ceremony with my friend Jill. Work clothes, all tattered and torn, get tossed into the garbage. Goodbye black shirts and khaki shorts. More laughter ensues.
4:00pm: Waiting at bus stop on the way to happy hour with Jill. We strike up a conversation with a local man. He hands over a bus transfer. One of us rides the bus for free. Another gift, in a day full of them. Status quo.
4:10pm: On the bus, I feel something. It's a release from the inside out. I describe it as my soul escaping, as if the lid has finally been pried off its soular container. Hi-fives for everyone. I look around. Strangers are smiling at me. Oh wait. That's because I am smiling at them. I forgot about that permagrin etched across my face. On days like this, such things are second nature.
4:43pm and beyond: Martini glasses clink. Toasting to freedom. Holy shit. I'm free. Friends arrive. Hugs abound. Love is present. So much love. People tell me I am glowing. They tell me how proud of me they are. I take stock of these souls gathered around me. Even in my increasingly drunken state, I see it all so clearly. I am loved. I am accepted. I have everything I need, even without a job. I am blessed beyond belief. Humbled. Overflowing with love and gratitude. No words left to describe it. I'm tipsy. OK, I'm a little drunk. Doesn't feel much different than the rest of my day, though. What a day it has been. Quite possibly top-5 of all time.
Why such a high ranking? The Universe has my back, that's why. I am completely supported. I know it today. It's a fact. And days like this don't happen every day. But they can. I am sure they can. Today is proof. Endings and beginnings are truly one in the same. Both are a gift. It is my last day, yet it feels more like the first day of the rest of my life.
Comments
Although we spoke just in passing and you were my beloved barista, I hope that you will keep in contact. You have an amazing energy and that is why you had leis up to your eyes on Friday.
Carpe diem!
Cheryl - grande Awake Tea
Have fun Paul...and post,post,post!