The Link Between Cell Phones and Compassion
Here is the scenario: a young man drops a stack of books as he is walking by you. He may or may not have been distracted by his cell phone as they come crashing to the ground. Maybe he was just in a hurry, who knows. Do you:
a) Stop whatever you are doing and help him pick them up,
b) Observe it all but still keep walking, or
c) Have no reaction completely. You missed the whole thing. Heck, you have your own crap going on!
Such was the social experiment being conducted for a psychology class by a collegiate friend of mine and her fellow classmates earlier this week in busy downtown Honolulu. One member of the group would walk along innocently and get distracted, dropping his books and papers into a messy pile on the sidewalk. Then the real fun begins. Time to observe the reactions! I sat and watched probably ten rounds of this little "candid camera" moment. What did I see? Well, more often than not, people stopped to help this young man gather his belongings. Occasionally, they didn't.
As I watched, I couldn't help but wonder: what would I do in that situation?
OK now. Most of us would like to believe that we would be right there lending a helping hand to our fellow neighbor. But I had to be honest with myself. I have walked from point A to point B on any number of days, in any number of places, and never even noticed that there were people on the streets around me. How could this be, you ask? Well, there are times when I'm just not paying attention to my surroundings. Many times in fact. And yes, a large proportion of those instances are the result of tinkering with my cell phone in one way or another. But still, I would like to think that I would have helped this young man out with his books, at least provided that I wasn't too busy on my phone (or in my own head) to notice.
Which brings up just how easy it is to keep ourselves occupied these days. Our phones, ipads, laptops, whatever....they have made it all too easy to escape, virtually and otherwise, and leave what's happening all around us in the dust. These gadgets can do more than just keep us busy. They are almost like weapons.
Specifically, I have noticed how cell phones have become a sort of defense against having to make an actual contact with another human being. And yes (naturally) I have seen this behavior in myself first and foremost. Like when I am walking down a street, or in a store, or anywhere, and I feel an ounce of discomfort with what's in front of me, how my first impulse is to draw my phone out of my pocket like the cowboys used to draw their guns from their holsters at the start of a good old western gunfight. It's like I'm Quick Draw McGraw with the damn thing. And what am I checking, anyway? Usually nothing. It has become my security blanket, making me feel a little like Linus from the Peanuts comic strip. Instead of carrying around my red blanket with one hand, I have my cell phone. And in moments of social awkwardness, when I go reaching for myblankie phone, I would probably suck my thumb with the other hand (just like Linus) if it were socially acceptable.
Speaking of acceptance, it is interesting to see what society-at-large has deemed "proper" with regards to cell phones and dealing with others in public. We all know how horrendous a gaffe it is to be on your phone at the grocery store checkout, right? Believe me, I have had to turn the other cheek many, many times behind the counter at my job while people apologized to someone on the other end of their phone for having to interrupt them while I get a half-whispered order, followed by a half-hearted thank you. But you know what? I have been that person before. I admit it. I guess it goes to show that if nothing else, I should always strive to be more understanding when someone does it to me.
I have even quietly conducted my own personal experiment over the past couple of years. At some point in time, I noticed how rare it was for me to make eye contact with strangers, let alone to smile at them. So I made a conscious decision to keep my head up and my eyes open while walking around (at least as much as I can without being distracted by my phone). What are the results of such a small shift in behavior? Well, I have seen many smiles come my way. Many folks say hello, some don't. Some see me gazing their way and immediately look down. Some even pull the Quick Draw McGraw routine and check their cell phones at the first sign of contact. At least it's nice to know I'm not the only one.
The thing is, I should never really judge any of it. I never know what kind of day someone else is having, and vice versa. We are all dealing with our own B-S, and in our own ways. But I will say this: while strolling around town with my head held high (and cell phone tucked neatly in my pocket), I can see that it's a pretty beautiful world we have here. I always feel better when I can put aside my pile of B-S (and yes, my phone too) long enough to let others into my little world. It is definitely more exciting and enjoyable, living in a reality where people acknowledge one another even with the slightest smile or nod of the head while going about their business.
When I remember to look up, stop texting and take notice, people can actually be downright sweet and welcoming. I know this because I've seen it happen time and time again. When it does, I swear my faith in humanity is instantly restored. But like everything else in life, I have to give it to get it. I need to be it to see it.
So let everyone else just do their thing. Go ahead and check your phone instead of saying hello. Look down when I make eye contact with you. Don't return my greeting. Talk on your phone while you order from me. Who cares! I have been where you are before, and I will likely be there again at some point in the very-near future. Count on it.
Just do me a favor. If you do decide to drop your books near me, can you please make sure I'm not on my phone first?
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**Note: I wrote most of this before work this morning. Today, as soon as I began my shift, a regular customer said the following to me:
"Hey Paul. I saw you outside crossing the street and tried to say hello to you, but you were busy texting on your phone!"
No, I am not making this up. She caught me red-handed. I guess the near-future was closer than I thought. She did go easy on me though, and I appreciated that more than she probably knew.
Compassion. Sometimes it's all we've got. And it is so important that we give it to ourselves, too.
a) Stop whatever you are doing and help him pick them up,
b) Observe it all but still keep walking, or
c) Have no reaction completely. You missed the whole thing. Heck, you have your own crap going on!
Such was the social experiment being conducted for a psychology class by a collegiate friend of mine and her fellow classmates earlier this week in busy downtown Honolulu. One member of the group would walk along innocently and get distracted, dropping his books and papers into a messy pile on the sidewalk. Then the real fun begins. Time to observe the reactions! I sat and watched probably ten rounds of this little "candid camera" moment. What did I see? Well, more often than not, people stopped to help this young man gather his belongings. Occasionally, they didn't.
As I watched, I couldn't help but wonder: what would I do in that situation?
OK now. Most of us would like to believe that we would be right there lending a helping hand to our fellow neighbor. But I had to be honest with myself. I have walked from point A to point B on any number of days, in any number of places, and never even noticed that there were people on the streets around me. How could this be, you ask? Well, there are times when I'm just not paying attention to my surroundings. Many times in fact. And yes, a large proportion of those instances are the result of tinkering with my cell phone in one way or another. But still, I would like to think that I would have helped this young man out with his books, at least provided that I wasn't too busy on my phone (or in my own head) to notice.
Which brings up just how easy it is to keep ourselves occupied these days. Our phones, ipads, laptops, whatever....they have made it all too easy to escape, virtually and otherwise, and leave what's happening all around us in the dust. These gadgets can do more than just keep us busy. They are almost like weapons.
Specifically, I have noticed how cell phones have become a sort of defense against having to make an actual contact with another human being. And yes (naturally) I have seen this behavior in myself first and foremost. Like when I am walking down a street, or in a store, or anywhere, and I feel an ounce of discomfort with what's in front of me, how my first impulse is to draw my phone out of my pocket like the cowboys used to draw their guns from their holsters at the start of a good old western gunfight. It's like I'm Quick Draw McGraw with the damn thing. And what am I checking, anyway? Usually nothing. It has become my security blanket, making me feel a little like Linus from the Peanuts comic strip. Instead of carrying around my red blanket with one hand, I have my cell phone. And in moments of social awkwardness, when I go reaching for my
Speaking of acceptance, it is interesting to see what society-at-large has deemed "proper" with regards to cell phones and dealing with others in public. We all know how horrendous a gaffe it is to be on your phone at the grocery store checkout, right? Believe me, I have had to turn the other cheek many, many times behind the counter at my job while people apologized to someone on the other end of their phone for having to interrupt them while I get a half-whispered order, followed by a half-hearted thank you. But you know what? I have been that person before. I admit it. I guess it goes to show that if nothing else, I should always strive to be more understanding when someone does it to me.
I have even quietly conducted my own personal experiment over the past couple of years. At some point in time, I noticed how rare it was for me to make eye contact with strangers, let alone to smile at them. So I made a conscious decision to keep my head up and my eyes open while walking around (at least as much as I can without being distracted by my phone). What are the results of such a small shift in behavior? Well, I have seen many smiles come my way. Many folks say hello, some don't. Some see me gazing their way and immediately look down. Some even pull the Quick Draw McGraw routine and check their cell phones at the first sign of contact. At least it's nice to know I'm not the only one.
The thing is, I should never really judge any of it. I never know what kind of day someone else is having, and vice versa. We are all dealing with our own B-S, and in our own ways. But I will say this: while strolling around town with my head held high (and cell phone tucked neatly in my pocket), I can see that it's a pretty beautiful world we have here. I always feel better when I can put aside my pile of B-S (and yes, my phone too) long enough to let others into my little world. It is definitely more exciting and enjoyable, living in a reality where people acknowledge one another even with the slightest smile or nod of the head while going about their business.
When I remember to look up, stop texting and take notice, people can actually be downright sweet and welcoming. I know this because I've seen it happen time and time again. When it does, I swear my faith in humanity is instantly restored. But like everything else in life, I have to give it to get it. I need to be it to see it.
So let everyone else just do their thing. Go ahead and check your phone instead of saying hello. Look down when I make eye contact with you. Don't return my greeting. Talk on your phone while you order from me. Who cares! I have been where you are before, and I will likely be there again at some point in the very-near future. Count on it.
Just do me a favor. If you do decide to drop your books near me, can you please make sure I'm not on my phone first?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
**Note: I wrote most of this before work this morning. Today, as soon as I began my shift, a regular customer said the following to me:
"Hey Paul. I saw you outside crossing the street and tried to say hello to you, but you were busy texting on your phone!"
No, I am not making this up. She caught me red-handed. I guess the near-future was closer than I thought. She did go easy on me though, and I appreciated that more than she probably knew.
Compassion. Sometimes it's all we've got. And it is so important that we give it to ourselves, too.
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